Everyone has an opinion on “when” you should move in with your partner– seriously, talk about it in your group chat and see what happens. Some people swear by the arbitrary rule of waiting at least a year for someone somewhere to invent it, and others might even tell you to wait to be engaged — no need to give up your space and spend a ton of money moving if it doesn’t “pay off” in the long run. But all of that is… absolute bullshit. It doesn’t matter when you move in with your partner and you should do it as soon as you feel like it, to hell with the deadlines. Let me explain.
I moved in with Michael (my then boyfriend, now husband) just five months later. swipe right on their Tinder profile. My friends and family all loved it from the start, but everyone feared that because we were moving in together ~so fast~, our relationship would implode, leaving us both heartbroken, with no place to live, or, uh, actually dead? (“What if he’s a murderer?!”)
To be fair, these are valid concerns. And yes, it was fast, but guess what? None of these bad things happened. All the assumptions people make about this could happen are just that—hypotheses— and any issues that arise when you move in together early will likely be the same issues that arise if you move in together later. I’ll put it this way: when you share a closet, it’s easier to spot the skeletons. You might as well do it before you spend years of your life with someone only to realize they never flush the toilet and think a week of dirty dishes is NBD.
Some people might tell you that moving in together early is a bad idea because you “don’t really know each other yet” and don’t know what life together will be like, but… most couples aren’t moving in together by having multi-day sleepovers before signing a lease together anyway? How long does it really take to get to know someone well enough to live with them? People rent rooms from strangers on Craigslist every day, and that kind of arrangement is much more likely to have a nightmarish outcome, don’t you think?
Plus, what better way to get to know someone’s quirks than to share everything with them? The excitement that accompanies this early bliss of the honeymoon phase doesn’t just end when you decide to split the rent. And if you’re wasting unnecessarily separate days and shuttling between apartments, aren’t you wasting that excitement trying to prolong it? In addition, the cost of living is exploding these days. If you see yourself eventually living together, you might as well downsize an apartment and use the money you save to extend your honeymoon phase. efficienty—going on fun dates and booking weekend getaways. 😇.
Now, because Michael and I are responsible adults™, we discussed (ahem, a part of) the important details of living together, like that karaoke nights in the living room are a hard yes and waking up at 6 a.m. and opening all the blinds is an immediate no. And when things we hadn’t initially discussed came to light later – like the level of cleanliness we could sustain without exploding – we (shockingly!) got there, adapted and moved on. thing. Since then, we’ve had a few fights over issues that we glossed over at first (I’m a little confused, okay?) but resolved them by just being honest with each other. Open communication is crucial, and moving in together helped us learn how to do it early, which was a game-changer for our relationship.
If I were to try to diagnose why couples who move in quickly together continue to be judged, I think it’s because we’re still shedding old (read: puritanical) attitudes about monogamy and marriage. Don’t get me wrong: moving in together is obviously a big decision and one that you should consider carefully. But if the reason you’re waiting X-number of times to do so is because of “relationship advice” you’ve heard somewhere or social norms you think you’re supposed to follow, remember those “norms” are primarily patriarchal and stem from ancient biblical scriptures based on sexual immorality, unlawful lust and the purity of the marital bed. As a society, we have exceeded these antiquated standards in more ways than one. Let’s face it, “They live in sin!” is no longer the sick burn she used to be.
Look, if your heart and guts are telling you to throw caution to the wind, but society has convinced you that you “should” take it slow, tell society to mind its own business. You are an adult and you can play at home whenever you want. Don’t bide your time because of made up rules designed to keep your bed ‘pure’ or because your best friend is addicted Addicted to crime-IMO, it’s way more unhinged than moving in with someone you already spend all your time with. Cohabiting early isn’t a death sentence for your relationship, it’s trusting you to make the right choice. Life is too short, thank me later.
#enthusiastic #approval #move #partner