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It’s the fifth Sunday of the month, it’s time to download Don

opinion

Here is my offering of spare Sunday snippets, syllogisms and superfluous insights:

  • Don’t expect sharp knives in an Airbnb kitchen. It’s a metaphor for something, but I don’t know what.
  • I wonder how the AP authors would rank the Ducks if they had played PSU in Autzen instead of Georgia in Atlanta to start this football season.
  • What I don’t know far outweighs what I know. (This no longer includes the fact that “being known” isn’t actually a word.)
  • I saw “Watch changed batteries here”. I asked for show times, and they looked at me like I was weird.
  • A Costco rotisserie chicken costs about the same as a car air freshener and it works just as well.
  • The popularity of the bike would double if the headgear looked cool. “It’s not what you do. It’s what you look like doing it.”
  • Any suggestions on how I can go from a condition to a syndrome and eventually to a full fledged complex?
  • You call them opinions. I call them previews.
  • Lanyards are not part of Eugene’s usual dress code.
  • I popped a pimple the other day. I wasn’t proud of it.
  • Nobody told me that people had stopped using Craigslist.
  • I can draw more than conclusions.
  • The allspice did not replace all the others.
  • Why doesn’t my bottle of non-aspirin contain a bit of everything (except aspirin of course)?
  • Hardly anyone calls anyone “idiot” anymore. In my childhood, we regularly used the word twice as an appellation.
  • It is a sham that an “e” can be silent but still essential.
  • Politically speaking: The left loves to be right. The right hates being on the left.
  • We can become so obsessed with what something means that we cannot see what is true.
  • “No problem” has slowly replaced “you’re welcome”, but it can still mean “I forgive you”. This is not the first amalgamation of jokes. For generations, “I’m sorry” has meant both “I’m sad” or “I’m unfortunately responsible.”
  • When you eat portions of leftovers, do you put the leftovers in smaller and smaller containers? (Yes, even if my fridge isn’t overloaded.)
  • We do so many tests on people that we might run out of paper.
  • The penny is our best coin; nickel is the worst. Fight me.
  • I swear no one ever told me that removing the water from the brick of tofu gave it a more familiar mouthfeel. And a third of my friends are vegetarians!
  • Does sustainable design come from deep authenticity or deep empathy? Both.
  • Sometimes we have to say something out loud to know if we believe it.
  • If you’re not curious, you’re not using factory-installed equipment.
  • I would support a leaf blower tax with the funds subsidizing rake prices. Keep increasing the tax until the rakes are free.
  • Anything paid for by someone else should cost more. If you’re paying with your own money (with no intention of being reimbursed) – whether it’s a car, lunch, or an iron lung – you should get the lowest price.
  • Bowling alleys shouldn’t require you to rent their shoes if your sneakers cost more than $100.
  • Automakers should add a second horn that conveys “Oops, I’m sorry.” This little tech could eliminate most road rage.
  • Without bragging, I invented the self-fulfilling prophecy. Or I meant.
  • We should try base-12. We would all like to be younger and most of us would like to weigh less. A 65-year-old man who weighs 200 pounds would instantly become a 145-pound 55-year-old man, just like that.
  • Exploregon. You will love. Who could ask for moregon?

Don Kahle ([email protected]) writes a column every Wednesday and Sunday for The Register-Guard and archives past columns at www.dksez.com.

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