The Worst Types of Craigslist Surfboards, Ranked | inertia

It could be yours for the low price of $550! Image: Craigslist

Buying a surfboard on Craigslist is tricky. For every decent seller trying to find a new home for their once-loved board with plenty of life, there are dozens of other crunchy, waterlogged pieces of fiberglass like something worth spending money on. ‘silver. Scoring a lot on a beginner board is the dream, but you have to sift through a lot of nightmares.

If you spend enough time sorting out unregulated information Craigslist Marketplace, the same kinds of weird boards – and vendors – start popping up again and again. They are not good. Some are snake oil salesmen in sandals who want to convince you that their ding-riddled board will change your life; others are simply ignorant. All of them sell you junk in their own obnoxious way.

I’ve used my years of experience buying used surfboards to bring you this list of the worst types of boards you’ll find on the digital garage sale that is Craigslist. Good luck there.

New board at a suspicious price from an unknown shaper (#10)

I’ve seen this approach become more popular in recent years, where a new shaper is selling their designs on Craigslist to apparently help gain exposure. I respect the hustle and unique approach, but wonder why their boards cost so much less than most new surfboards from established local shapers. It makes you wonder if they just smashed random junk pieces together and glazed them, hoping for the best. The same approach worked for the hot dog – so maybe this board isn’t so bad.

Wrong custom artwork board (#9)

There are strange geometric shapes on the bridge that zigzag, zag and are painted in all the colors of the rainbow. This board is basically brand new and a bargain – but it’s the ugliest thing you’ve ever seen. Looks like a kid threw all his finger paints on the deck, swirled them around and said “it’ll be fine”. Someone actually rode this monstrosity. Worryingly, someone paid for it and expects you to too.

My secret old man opinion is that all custom artwork on boards is stupid. Seeing the art of the bridge instantly turns me into the equivalent of a sixty-year-old man who just saw a tattoo on a young person. Why would you go out and ruin a perfectly good deck with your drunken Spirograph design? Get off my lawn.

Deal of the century or informed buyer?  Photo: Craigslits

Deal of the century or informed buyer? “Handmade Hydrofoil, great surf!” Photo: Craigslist

SEO Tip (#8)

You see this board all the time because you have to. An internet wizard has discovered that if you literally insert the name of every shaper and surf brand known to mankind in the description, it will show up in EVERY. SINGLE. LOOK FOR. This is a table that will somehow find a way to appear in the search results for a new apartment.

Looking for a two-bed, two-bath apartment near the beach? Don’t forget to bring that overpriced used shortboard!

Surfboard Modem (#7)

Although technically not a surfboard, the Surfboard Modem still shows up in Craigslist searches thanks to some keyword irony. Boring – because it’s not the surfboard you’re looking for – but way more useful and worth your money than many others on this list.

~~~$$$##*** – THIS TABLE!! – ***##$$$~~~ (#6)

Nothing screams “great legit opportunity!” more than a bunch of symbols squashed together in a line of text. These poles occupy the perfect intersection of clickbaits and wingdings. I hope sellers all fall into a pit of razor-sharp tildes.

This one ^^ has all the elements. Photo: Craigslist

Misplaced traction board (#5)

This person slipped off their board once and swore “never again”. Sometimes there is only a traction pad placed too high in the tail which makes cornering laborious. But others are whole boards dedicated to nothing but traction and end up looking like a mosaic art project. Never let them catch you slipping.

Overpriced Foam Board (AKA The Gougestorm) (#4)

If you’re charging $150 for a $99 CostCo Wavestorm, congratulations! You’re a disgusting slug of a human being well on your way to a career as a ticket seller.

No LOW-BALLING plank (#3)

This guy can’t accept that the board he bought for $700 three years ago isn’t selling for close to that price now. The description usually says something like “barely used” or “only surfed about ten times”, but somehow swims in pressure dips. It does not include the fins, but the seller will include them for five dollars less than the full retail price.

Endless Description Table (#2)

I don’t care if you have a new card and need to unload your old one. I don’t care if your partner is mad that you have twenty boards taking up space in the garage. Your life story has absolutely no weight in my decision to email you with a lowball offer (shouldn’t have put any lowball in the description). The more you talk about this painting, the more I suspect it is secretly a dug house for a family of rats.

Old Howler (#1)

This board should have been pulled behind the shed and put out of its misery years ago. Or at least reused as a coffee table. But here it is – sporting every surfer’s favorite shade of dried mustard, carrying roughly half the Pacific Ocean beneath its cracked, tape-held glass. It’s guaranteed to snap in half if you look at it the wrong way. It’s all yours for $50, but someone should really pay you just to watch it.


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